Food for My Soul

Food for My Soul

“If you strip everything away that person has,  including clothes, shoes, hat, job he/she has, what kind of car, titles so forth.  Family, friends, obligations, tasks, home, money, experience, past, future, I mean everything.  Now take a look at person again.  If you are still in love with that person, that’s the one” – unknown

I am leading a fortunate life because I do have that person.

2014 – 1955 = 59

2014 – 1955 = 59

39 years.  I have been carrying something I should have dealt with and worked through about 20 years ago.  Though I still carry it around and it is quite heavy.

“Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit , and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again”  Rosa Parks said, and yes, I have.  The place tries to heal a bit, is still raw but I am used the pain so I don’t feel it any more.  Once in a while, the place reminds me that it is still there and I remember how the pain feels like.  I don’t have any intention to associate my own personal experience which I haven’t done shit about to make it better to Rosa’s courageous action.  However, it is comforting to know Rosa felt the same way that I do.

Rosa Parks did not give in.  She said, “No, the only tired I was, I was tired of giving in.”  I did.  I gave in.  I let them do whatever they want because it was easier for me.  It must have been easier for Rosa to move to the back of the bus, but she didn’t because she was not giving in.


In 1955, Rosa Parks didn’t give up her seat on the bus.  She may not have meant to do something extraordinary by that action but it brought significant impact to the United State and other countries 59 years ago.  It has been 59 years.  What’s astounding is that we still are not able to leave behind what Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr., Ralph Abernathy, Malcolm X and most importantly, those who never gave in did back then.  Heartbroken and angering incidents happen almost every single day.

In 1975, it started and lasted for 12 years.  I was sitting the back of the bus.  I gave in, have been scared and been running away from it.  I have been letting it haunt me whenever it wants to. About 3 weeks ago, my mother called and let me know one of main people I have been running away from called her.  I am 4,800 miles away from those people and I should be safe.  But how did I react?  I froze. Immediately I put my invisible shield on and tried to hide from it.  What baffles me is that I am still doing the same shit since 1975.

I don’t think I can do this without my best friend.  He never leaves my side and does nothing but comfort me and let me know it is going to be OK.  With him and Rosa Parks, I will need to face it and forgive.  It sure is scary but one day I must, as Rosa did not give up her right to sit wherever she wants to on the bus.  I have the right to live sorrow-free life.

“Each person must live their life as a model for others” – Rosa Parks 

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What the hell is water? : my introduction to the new world

What the hell is water? : my introduction to the new world

I LOVE books.  I am kind of obsessed with books and reading.  My favorite place from age 6 to age 16 was the library, then after 17, it got switched to bookstores.  I love everything about books.  Smell, ink, fonts, covers, the feel of the pages, insights, stories, emotions, feelings, metaphor…and vulnerability.  Book is a powerful thing because it can give you all different kind of perspectives.  I grew up trying to get inside of authors’ head. I was (am) a book-nerd.  I was raised by TONS of books and Billie Holiday.

A few years ago, I learned a little bit about David Foster Wallace.  His masterpiece is called “Infinite Jest” and it is a 981-page book.  It sounds intimidating.  Then, my best friend introduced his commencement speech at Kenyon College in 2005. My ears had never heard greater thing than that.  The first time I heard it, my eyes welled up.  He did not say to be a go-getter or be a fearless, mindless, unkind leader of corporate America.  His entire message was just this.  “Awareness.”

So, here is why I decided to start my blog.  As being a book-nerd, I have always wanted to write since I was five but I never tried.  Writing my own stuff in this space is new to me.  This is quite scary and vulnerable.  But I want to get out my comfort zone and routine, then I want to be conscious about my life.  His speech starts with this one old fish asks two young fish, “how’s the water?” as he passes them by.  Then those two young fish look at each other, then say, “What the hell is water?”  I am that young fish in the blogging world.  I want to see what’s out there.  Not only discovering what’s out there, I want to be aware what’s happening in my world by writing in this space.  I just want to know what the hell water is.